I'm Coming Back

In February, I traveled to Haiti to visit Keemberlie for the fourth time since May 2010. This trip was not just to visit Keemberlie. This trip was about prayer. God teamed me up with another adoptive mom, Karen, and we prayed over every child, every room, every dynamic, and even over Haiti itself. It was an incredible week. We saw Keemberlie set free from some things and so much more.... too much to tell. There is only one story I will take the time to tell here.

On all previous trips, Keemberlie has shut down all emotion the day before I had to leave her to go back home. For the first time ever on this trip she didn't check out on me when it was time to pack my bags. This time I looked up from my bags to see a sweet face with tears streaming down sitting quietly in the middle of the room. This was the first open, completely vulnerable I-hate-saying-goodbye between us.

I wasn't sure what to say or do to comfort her. The language barrier is torture in these kinds of moments. But I had taught her a few English words that week of items around our room - bed, pillow, food, etc. So I swooped her up and with my own tears streaming down, I put my hands on each side of her face and had her look me in the eye. I said, "Keemberlie, you can't come home yet, but you will one day. We have a bed for Keemberlie. We have a pillow just for Keemberlie. We have food for Keemberlie." This was my best effort to help her understand there is a real place for her and I am coming back to take her there as soon as I can. She smiled through her tears and I think she understood.

As I talked to her about her future home I had the most amazing realization. Jesus said these same things to his disciples before he went to the cross. I've read it a hundred times but in the past I've always thought of those words as simply something Jesus said to comfort the disciples. I knew it was true and I knew it must be comforting to the disciples (and us!). But I've never stopped to think of the emotions Jesus felt as he said those words. He was leaving his friends. He knew how they would suffer before coming to their heavenly home. He knew the pain they would feel in his going. And He longed for them to come with him.

As I sat with tears flowing down trying to comfort Keemberlie I was overcome with emotion realizing there was no way she could fathom what is in store for her future and no way she could understand why I must go home without her this time.... This is what Jesus must have been feeling. And that passage, for me, in that moment became so real. No, more than that - the depth of His love and the glory of heaven just filled me up. I haven't shared this story once without wanting to bawl my eyes out.  If nothing else, this adoption is teaching me about love and heaven by the way this adoption on earth mirrors my adoption in Christ. I have a Heavenly Father! He loves me. He's preparing a place for me. And if He prepares a place for me I must believe He is coming back! He will return!!! He's coming for me!

John 14: 1-3 Jesus Comforts His Disciples:
"Let not your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you to myself; that where I am, there you may be also."

I pray Keemberlie believes me when I say, "I'm coming back to receive you and take you home." Jesus must be praying the same for us. And I bet He's even more excited about coming back to take us home than I am about going back for Keemberlie. How deep, wide is the love of God!

Journey To A Lost Coin

“Or what woman having ten silver coins, if she loses one of them, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it? When she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Luke 15:8-10

As I read this passage a few weeks ago, my first thought was, “When Josie (Keemberlie) gets home I can’t wait to send out party invitations that say, ‘Come rejoice with us for we have found our lost coin!’” My heart skips a beat every time I think of that. And the day will come, Lord willing, though we don’t know when. But many thoughts have come since that first one regarding this passage that take the meaning of it to deeper levels for me in this adoption journey. Isn’t it great how Scripture can keep getting fuller, richer as we understand it more and more!

Our journey to Josie has been our hardest adoption journey. In part, because Josie is already seven years old (we’ve already missed so much time with her!) and in part because we’ve met her and spent time with her. She isn’t just someone who will one day be our daughter. She feels like our daughter right now!  And if Libby or Gracie were stuck in Haiti without us, I would move heaven and earth if I could to get to them. So, that is what I feel like doing for Josie (Keemberlie).

I think adoption mirrors so much of God’s love for us. Often, during our journey to Josie, I think about what we’re doing to love her, visit her and make her ours and then I realize – that’s how God feels about me! And I’m overwhelmed.

The parable of the lost coin is one of three consecutive parables we see in Luke where Jesus describes the Kingdom of Heaven by depicting how much He loves the lost. He’s not indifferent to the lost. He’s welcoming. And more, He seeks them out! Willing to leave the 99 for the 1. Willing to diligently search. Willing to open arms and accept the repentant sinner. Oh for the church to be more like Jesus, both in their pursuit of the lost and the orphan.

And that’s just the tip of what the Lord’s been showing me in regards to this passage. Since October (really since May, but more intensely since October 2010) I’ve been waiting for news that our paperwork has moved from the orphanage’s hands to Haiti’s social services office where it can be processed and we can be approved to adopt Josie. Each week I’ve been told, “by next week”. And then something would happen; sometimes crazy things. Once, the pastor was even shot at, delaying his work yet again! That was on top of political riots, cholera outbreaks, hurricanes and let’s not forget that Haiti has not recovered from the earthquake – not by a long shot. Then January rolled around and I thought, surely it will happen soon. But I received word that an important document was now missing and would have to be found before it could go to the ss office. With that news I began to have some questions for God. There is sin behind the following questions and I’ll get to that in a minute. But for honesty and confession’s sake here’s what I was asking/saying:

1.     You said the prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective so why isn’t anything happening?

2.     You said you set the lonely in families, so why isn’t that happening faster?

3.     You said you defend and love the orphans and care for them, so why aren’t you bringing her home?

4.     If this adoption doesn’t happen I’m going to have some really big questions to ask you.

5.     I don’t feel heard so I’m not feeling loved right now.

6.     If I love Keemberlie so much, why don’t you show that you do too?

And I better stop there… but that’s the kind of thought process that began to regularly occur in my prayer time, which was also accompanied by many tears.

We traveled to three different events in three different cities in a ten day period during mid-January. So I was also tired during this season. But in that third event I had childcare and was able to sit in on the message. Our friend, Neil McClendon, was preaching about “Endurance with Gladness”. I knew I was about to hear something I needed to hear. The main thing that struck me was how Jesus agonized over having to die on the cross to the point of sweating blood drops but “for the joy set before him” He did it. And my heart swelled with humility as I recalled many of my questions.

If Jesus never did another thing for me outside of salvation, He is still good and He is still enough. He is the ultimate “joy set before me”. He doesn’t have to prove his love for me. He already did. And besides, of course He hears me. He promises that He does. And a man/God willing to die for me is also true to His Word.  And, of course He loves Josie (Keemberlie)! There is nothing in me that is good unless it comes from God. So if I love Josie it is because HE put that love in me for her. If she never comes home to us, His love for her is still evident in that He has sent us to visit her and called us to pray for her. She has food, a roof over her head, and friends. She has access to food most of the time. She hears of Jesus and sings to Him. God is still Father to the fatherless even when they are not set into families.

So, I began to confess to Jesus my sinful thoughts and questions. And I began to understand my wrong-thinking as His Word redirected my thoughts and increased my faith. Some of you are thinking, “how was your faith increased in this if you think He’s still good even if she doesn’t come home? I mean, if she doesn’t come home, you’ve been sent on some crazy, emotional journey for nothing.” But it wouldn’t be for nothing, would it?  And my faith IS increased because I am mindful of God’s true character – that He DOES hear, He DOES love, He DOES care – which allows me to pray even more boldly for her homecoming to us! Because He IS good. He IS love. He IS Father! And it’s not me loving Josie and making way for her to come home (because I would fail terribly at this if I were on my own) but it is HIM who loves her through me, and HE IS ABLE! Able to do more than I can ask or imagine. And now, I have not just the firm and sure “joy set before me” in Jesus. But also the “joy set before me” in faith that she will step off a plane with me in San Antonio one day and walk into her new life with us.

In all the agony of waiting I’ve also been reminded that Jesus must feel much the same way for His chosen to be fully sanctified and living in heaven for an eternity with Him! He lives in us, but we can’t see him, touch him or even fully understand him like we will one day in heaven. And every good father wants to be face to face with his children. So we are not alone in the ache of waiting.

Back to the parable of the lost coin – because I am finally getting to the point of this looooooong blog post yet to be longer….While Luke 15: 8-10 is about Jesus searching out the lost and rejoicing over them, I think we can glean much from this passage for our adoption journeys – our searching out the orphans and rejoicing over them.

The woman who has ten coins and loses one does three things to find this treasured, valuable coin. I find that these three things come in waves along the journey; waves that take us deeper and deeper into our walk with Jesus, not just for our further bonding to our Father, but also to break down strongholds that keep our prayers from being fully affective so that He can deliver on answering those faith-filled prayers we keep crying out. I think I’ve personally been through these three steps a hundred times and with each adoption it just gets deeper and better, though not less emotionalJ.

First, the woman turns on the lamp. The lamp symbolizes the Word of God in both the Old and New Testaments. A few other references to the “lamp” in scripture include: Jesus as a light to the world; our eyes being a lamp/window to the soul; and Proverbs 13:9 says, “the light/lamp of the righteous rejoices, but the lamp of the wicked will be put out”. Ah, there’s that idea of rejoicing again!

So in our applying this to the adoption journey we must first make sure the light in us is the light of the righteous and not the wicked. Nothing selfish should be found in our decision to adopt. And if there is something selfish in the decision or along the journey, it will be discovered in His light along the way.  Our battle with selfishness is a daily “taking up our cross” matter. So selfishness can sneak into the journey at any point.

We must also “turn on” the Lamp – the Word of God and the Spirit within us. We must be attuned to it, guided by it and bonded to it in the same manner that we hope our adoptive children will bond to us – freely, fully, immediately, intensely. We must open our eyes (the lamp/window to our souls) to see truth and follow it. And furthermore, we must rejoice in it even when the Word and the Spirit lead us in a way that we do not expect or do not really want. We must embrace the journey for what it is… a battle for our adoptive child’s soul and a battle for our hearts and devotion. For the woman in this parable, turning on a lamp meant burning valuable oil. The journey, we must remember, can be costly on many levels. But it is worth it!

Second, the woman sweeps out her house to look for the lost coin in places she may not be able to see right away or to reach on her own. Her house probably had a dirt floor. Our souls and our minds often have lose dirt that need to be swept away – sin, like mine found in my self-centered questions – must be confessed and healing must reach into the deep places of our hearts where we might not be able to see or reach on our own. Again, if our prayers are to be effective, we must be right before the Lord – with no unforgiveness in our hearts among many other things. So our “sweeping” out our souls/minds is an active pursuit of our lost coins in that it allows us to pray affectively. We’ll hear the clinking of that coin when we sweep in just the right place!

As I said before, with each adoption this takes me to a deeper place. With my first adoption I was fearful of becoming a mother (I mean REALLY fearful). With my second I was fearful of Gracie’s health/starvation issues and was brought to complete exhaustion on the literal journey to her and brought to even further exhaustion and illness when she came home to us. It was a tough year and I was not a self-less person, unfortunately. I was sick, tired and brought to the end of myself. With this third one I am going deeper into my secret areas of unbelief. And those secret areas are scary!

I also think of the woman’s sweeping as an active pursuit. She is not still and hoping the lost coin will just appear one day or jump into her lap. Like her, we must physically prepare our homes, sweep for every document on the planet that is needed to do an adoption, and pray, pray, pray. When paperwork is finished and we are waiting, we must pray and be active in our faith! If the light within is righteous, our “house” will not just look/appear orderly to others, but it will be clean, pure, guarded and on alert – unable to be invaded by evil.

Third and lastly, the woman searches carefully. I think this is where we find her “being still”, though in an active sense. She’s not sitting. She’s still searching, but she’s careful. She’s not throwing things around. She’s not in a hurry. She’s not in an uproar. She is diligent, cautious, leaving nothing unturned but keeping the house orderly at the same time. This is a delicate balance, not easily achieved. She wants that coin badly, I assure you. It’s worth an entire day’s wages. But she searches carefully even still. She knows that if she is careful, she will find that coin. The “joy set before her” is worth the trial, the time, the effort set before her.

I’m resting in that concept. I have a joy set before me that is worth the trial set before me. And interestingly, once I really got that, our prayers were heard and a confirmation number we’ve been waiting for was delivered to us yesterday! Ching! Did you hear the coin? We’re getting closer! Praise Jesus! Its just one of many steps to Josie, but it was a looooong (as in much longer than this post, if you can believe that) wait for that step. Our papers are finally logged into Haiti’s social services office known as IBESR. We have no idea how long the wait will be. But I’m seeing the work of the Lord in me throughout the journey and its good, really good…. Though, I’m certain, I too have a long way to go.

But wait, that’s not all. There was a fourth thing the woman did. In her joy at finding her lost coin, she threw a party. One day I’m going to get to do the same thing! All our close friends and family will receive an invitation to this celebration that reads…

Come, Rejoice with us! We have found our lost coin!

And we are going to do some serious rejoicing and dancing in good company!

For the joy set before me,

Cindy

Digging Through the Roof of Unbelief

The battleground of adoption (and any other God-sized adventure) is waged right where flesh and Spirit meet. Just when the flesh wants to take over and deliver a large load of discouragement the Spirit steps in and says, "Hear this..."

One recent morning, our family Bible study retold the following story from Mark 2.
"A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, 'Son, your sins are forgiven.'"

And as you may already know,  Jesus healed the man a few verses later. Amazing!

As I read this story to my girls I sensed the Spirit saying, "the roof you need to dig through is unbelief." The day continued and as I was driving I considered that thought and the Spirit began to unpack it for me. This is what I heard....

"Cindy, you think the adoption system in Haiti and all its offices are bogged down. You think the Pastor has too much on his plate. You keep considering how many families are in your exact situation with this orphanage as you try to estimate when Keemberlie may come home. But what you are not considering is that there is no "polite waiting line" to get to Me, the one who moves mountains. You are considering the earthly realities around you, but not the supernatural realities about me. You are thinking that you, your family and Keemberlie are just another few people in a crowd. Well, let me assure you, daughter, I care for you and your family. And I care for Keemberlie. I desire her homecoming more than you! You are not just people in a crowded system. You are my daughters. Dig through your unbelief in this and you will find Keemberlie at my feet as I call up to the rooftop saying, "I see your faith and she's coming home." Pastor may be busy. He may get distracted. Haiti's gov't offices may be crawling at a snail's pace. But I am the One who makes things move. I am Momentum. I am Force. I am. And you have access to me. You can sit back and listen to these words or you can start digging. Those who sat in the crowd and just listened to me were not the ones who were healed and forgiven in this story. The ones who were made right with me and given miracles were the ones who decided I was/am not the kind of God to say, "get back in line and wait your turn". I am the God of compassion with lavish love that moves swiftly when I see my children coming.... Dig, sweetie, dig! For unbelief has blocked your path and your faith will break it down."

I don't know the situation you (blog reader) may be facing. I don't know what you long to see Jesus do. But if it lines up with the heart of Christ I encourage you to stop waiting in the crowd like an interested by-stander and start digging your way to the One who already knows you and gave you these longings. He hears, He sees and He's ready to answer, if only you believe. Don't look around you to see if anyone else is moving toward him. Fearing people's judgement or opposition doesn't please the One who died for you. Don't worry if your digging makes a mess. Go on and break a sweat and dig like you believe He's ready to answer you!


Be encouraged and actively pursue the work of Christ in your life!

cindy

He is My Strength

You want to know a little of the raw truth about adoption? Here goes...

Every adoption, for me, comes with a season of weariness in the journey. That season is now upon me. In my flesh I have thoughts like, "How did I get into this mess?" "Can I stick this journey out to see its end?" "I don't want to travel abroad and leave my family again." "How long, Lord, how long?" All of these thoughts walk the fine line that can lead to a mindset of grumbling, doubting, and discouragement if left unchecked. And when I'm weary, things can easily go unchecked. That's just the way Satan works. He kicks us when we're down in hopes that we will not get back up in time for this particular battle or the next.

Well, fortunately, I have this person living in me called the Spirit of Jesus. If you are not a follower of Jesus you are thinking I am one crazy lady. If you know Jesus, you know right where I'm headed. The Spirit of Jesus, in my unchecked, weary soul, these last two weeks, has been calling out to me things like, "I created you for this." "I'm bigger than this" "Look at me, I'm the lifter of your head, I'm you're victory". "I started this, I'll finish this. Do you trust me?"

And when I finally chose to listen to that voice my weariness became a place for His great strength to make its debut. In my brokenness, in my tears, when I literally wanted to shut down and crawl in a dark quiet hole so I could hibernate until the winter is over,  Jesus came -  lifting, loving, gathering and holding me together.  When He started ministering to me in this way I knew clearly that the answer was to draw near to him and pray. I don't always have the words, but I know in His presence, the Spirit is groaning out on my behalf the words my soul longs to say. When the enemy wants to isolate for the purpose of making us lonely, sad, and helpless -  the Spirit of Jesus is wanting to call us away from distraction into his refuge and peace for the purpose of strengthening. Watch out. I'm coming out armed!

Keemberlie's past cannot be changed. But Keemberlie's future, well, that's a different story... And this is why Jesus has taken the time to arm me... to suit me up for battle...

I have been chosen. My family has been chosen. We have been chosen to fight a really good fight!!! 
I'm peaking over the battle lines these days as I find myself on the forefront of it.  I'm looking not to see what might be coming my way so I can dodge it or duck away from it. And I certainly have nothing on my own to fight this battle over Keemberlie's life. I'm looking ahead to see what God is about to overcome!!!! I'm looking ahead so I can see for myself how great is His might! How miraculous are His ways! How lavishing is His love! How devoted is His heart to win this battle while we stand on firmly planted feet and pray with arms stretched toward the heavens!

I want to be Caleb silencing thousands of discouraged voices as I cry out, "He will give us this child! He will do it!" And I want this to be my cry not just during the part of the journey to bring Keemberlie home. I want to be crying this out when she gets home and we're battling the lies her rough life has formed in her mind about food, family, love. I want to be able to rally the troops and say, "God is bigger than this!"

So, want to adopt? Want to feel the weight of unmeasured waiting that brings such weariness you drop to your knees and say, "If I hadn't told so many people about this and if I had not seen that God began this, I would quit!"? It sounds like an awful place because none of us want to feel this way. But that feeling is not the end. It is the beginning of a journey to a place of complete dependence on the Lord, where you get to see with your own eyes His strength wielding its sword and shield and bending its bows and arrows for you and for your child. Talk about a knight in shining armor story!! The King of kings is riding in on His horse setting His mighty angels to action...riding over the territory of Haiti where Keemberlie resides. He is fighting off principalities, demons and the like. And Keemberlie sees Him coming. I am certain she recognizes Him! As she worships, singing out in full voice how good God is there in that dark place of survival. And if she can see Him and call out to Him such praise from where she stands, HOW MUCH MORE should I??

I'm still weary. I'm still in a vulnerable place and I'm going to shed more tears. But this is a good place because His strength is so much greater than my strongest day. His strength is so spectacular, so beautiful. And His strength is directing my prayers, giving me a place of honor in this love story. No greater stories can be told than the ones that end with Jesus rescuing the most helpless and the least! And I get to be a part of it.

Adoption comes at a price. But ransom paid to make light penetrate darkness and love win is the most beautiful thing!



Latest adoption update: Keemberlie's birthmother's death certficate should be in the Pastor's hands tomorrow (Wednesday, Oct. 6) and our paperwork will hopefully enter its last major stop in Haiti next week. The office is known as IBESR. Jesus be in IBESR and be swift!

You Are God Alone

(edit: found the song on youtube so I can share it here. Enjoy!)



Discovered tonight that Christ for the Nations has recorded "You Are God Alone" and a video of the song being sung live is now posted on CCLI's website. The video blessed me so much. CFN did a fabulous job with this recording. Thank you, Jesus, for working your wonders and encouraging us so.

Here's the link. Be blessed and pass it along! (if the link doesn't work just go to www.ccli.com and look for the CCLI TV tab. Click on that and you'll find the video there:)

http://www.ccli.com/CCLITV/Default.aspx?v=b3600d4b-989b-4631-abb5-5edaf1d70f61

The King's Table

One of my favorite verses has always been Psalm 23:5 "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows." Maybe I just like the thought of a feast with Jesus as I certainly do love food and Jesus (not in that order, of course). Seriously, though, the first part of that verse has always stirred up a certain imagery for me.

In my mind, I picture myself seated at a table full of divine, scrumptious food - picture a rich, southern woman's table full of every imaginable comfort food and you get the idea. Jesus is standing behind me getting ready to put the silverware down on the napkin beside my plate. I am delighted to be in his presence and overwhelmed/humbled by the fact that Jesus himself is serving me. As Jesus is standing there behind me, he is aware of my enemies in the spiritual realm. He sees them making plans, discussing the best course of action for attack. As they roam back and forth, Jesus' stare makes them tremble. The actions of his hands continuing to set my place at his table speak louder than his stare saying, "This one is mine. I already made a place for her at my table. There is nothing you can do to her. You cannot prevail. She stays here with me." I, in the meantime, am completely unaware of my enemies swarming because all I can see is God's provision in front of me. All I can feel is satisfaction. All I know is the safety and peace of the shadow of his wings. I am at the table of the King of kings.

I was reminded of this imagery as I read of King David's table where Mephibosheth, a crippled orphan, was given a permanent place. Mephibosheth considered himself a worthless dog. But King David saw the son of a honorable man and dear friend who had passed away. Because of the kindness in his heart, David welcomed Mephiboseth to his table every day. This story brings me to tears every time I read it. I've been trying for quite some time to put into words why this touches my heart in such a raw way. Saying "adoption is so beautiful" just doesn't cut it. Its more than that.

As a believer, I know I can come boldly to the throne of God and make intercession, talk freely. But the throne isn't the most intimate of places in my mind. When I think about a throne room in an earthly sense, I think of formalities such as when to bow, how to dress, rules of engagement - do not look the king in the eye, back away so that one's backside doesn't ever face the king. And then there's the sense of fear of doing/saying something that might cause one to be cast out of a king's presence... and all those ideas that at least the movies put into one's mind about a royal throne. While I'm well aware that the heavenly throne of God is much different, still the idea of coming before the throne of a king doesn't conjure up thoughts of comfortable, permanent relationship.

But a permanent place at the personal table of the King.... now that's different. That's family. Think - casual dialogue about the day; personal appearances not important here; authentic; laughter allowed; tears shed together; encouragement; discussion of dreams, hopes, fears; no fear of losing one's place before the King because its permanent.

Its this idea of having a place at the table of the King that makes coming to his throne boldly a possibility. It starts with that tender place of.... "a worthless wretch like me??? at the King's table???" which grows into, "You said I'm your daughter and I could come to you just as I am and ask for anything. So here I am."

I could spend time here relating all this to why I felt so joyful to have Keemberlie eat each meal with us while we were in Haiti. I'm no king, but having her dine with us was what made her feel like family and what hopefully made us feel like family to her. Dining with someone at the end of the day is a way of saying, "You belong". I wanted her to know she belongs, no matter what she's been through. But I don't want to delve into all that and take away from what God might be saying to you, the reader, in all of this. I feel deeply tonight that someone needs to read this post and have an Aha! moment that says something like this....

"I have a table set before me; a permanent place at the table of the King where I can be who I am, just as I am. And despite who I think I am, the table before me is full of every provision I will ever need because I am loved and I belong to the One who is called "Provider". The provision isn't just food. Its everything I need to live a godly life. Its my helmet, sword, shield. Its the promises of God, the might of God. And its all laid out before me. My enemies can whisper whatever they like, but I feel that tingle in my spine that reminds me my Savior is near. His presence is about me. He delights in me. In my moment of need all I have to say is, "Will you pass the (fill in the blank here)" and whatever that need might be, it is slipped into my hands before I can even finish the sentence. I'm dining with the One who knows my thoughts before I even have them. I'm dining with the One who is most powerful, most wealthy, most loving, never failing. At this table the King has collected every one of my tears in a bottle. He is well acquainted with my sufferings. All my prayers have been collected in a bowl. He has every word and action of my life written out. All my days are known to him. Every step ahead has been ordained by him. At this table is the Book of Life. My King sits next to me and shows me my name written there in it. At this table is Living Water and the Bread of Life. I will never thirst again after dining here and yet every day I will drink it up again because it is so good. Wisdom is the table cloth draped so beautifully under all this provision. It calls out to me, telling me to sit here and be still, at peace in the King's presence. I am fully satisfied before I take one bite because its not the provision itself that satisfies. It is the permanence of my place at this table where His presence never leaves no matter what storms bluster by. At the table with me are other daughters and sons of the King, from every tribe and nation and tongue. Most have known much more suffering than I. They talk freely with the King and me. We are family. I am at the table of the King of kings and my place cannot be taken away. The banner over me is love."